Forgiveness and Trust After Dealing with a Narcissist
Dealing with a narcissist can leave lasting scars, both physically and emotionally. It's a journey filled with pain, healing, and ultimately, a choice to either forgive or let go.
No one can deny the devastation caused by a narcissist, but there comes a time when you must let go of your resentment and move forward. In this article, we explore the complexities of forgiveness, the importance of trust, and the ultimate decision to never forget.
Understanding Forgiveness
What is one thing you will never forgive a narcissist for? It may depend on the stage of healing you are in. I am 22 months post-toxic relationship, and while I have forgiven the deceit, lies, and manipulation, my journey to healing is far from over.
Forgiveness does not mean forgetting or excusing the actions of a narcissist. It means acknowledging their behavior and moving forward with peace. I have forgiven for me, to move on, but I will never forget what they are capable of. I will never trust him again.
Learning from Experience
Our experiences shape us. We learn that there are individuals who are so disordered that they will say and do anything to get what they want. This understanding helps us avoid being fooled again. The lesson? Never trust someone who twists the truth for their own gain. While I forgive, I will never forget or completely trust them again.
Self-Forgiveness
One of the hardest things I had to do was forgive myself for allowing a narcissist to take advantage of me. If I didn't forgive myself, this life would be a waste. Self-forgiveness is crucial, especially when one realizes they made mistakes and could have avoided certain situations. It's about acknowledging the past while finding peace in the present.
The Power of Forgiveness
Forgiveness, while challenging, brings peace to the soul. After the toxic relationship, one deserves and owes themselves peace. Forgiveness is not about the other person, but about reclaiming your own peace of mind and moving forward. While he has my forgiveness, it's because of the significant things he bestowed upon me - knowledge, power, strength, and faith in God. These gifts are invaluable.
Permanent Pain: The Unforgivable Deed
Among all the pain and betrayal, there is one act that I will never forgive. When my ex and his current both chose their new born daughter over mine, who was 8 years old at the time, and denied her the opportunity to meet her newborn sister before the passing of the newborn, and then similarly denied her at the funeral, it is the single unforgivable deed for both of them. Watching my child, who was diagnosed with a terminal illness, ask why her current hated her, why her daddy wouldn't let her sister meet the newest baby, and watching her break down in tears, is a wound that will always hurt.
Conclusion
Dealing with a narcissist is a complex and often painful experience. While forgiveness can bring peace, it is essential to remember the lessons learned and to never forget the actions that cause irreparable harm. By acknowledging the past, embracing forgiveness, and moving forward with a clearer understanding of oneself and the world, healing is possible.