The Art of Covert Narcissists: Why Some Hoover and Others Discard Forever

Covert narcissists, often misunderstood and shrouded in complexities, exhibit behaviors that can be highly unpredictable. While some manage to hoover back into the lives of former toxic relationships, others choose to discard forever. This article aims to dissect the motivations behind these actions and offer insights into the behaviors of covert narcissists.

Covert Narcissists and Their Hoovering Tactics

Covert narcissists, unlike their overt counterparts, don't publicly broadcast their manipulative strategies. Instead, they use subtle and indirect methods to exert control. One such method is hoovering, which they engage in for several reasons:

When They Don't Find a Better Supply: When a covert narcissist lacks a better alternative and still feels connected to their former supply, they may attempt to reconnect. Preparation for Future Supply: They might realize their former supply could leave at any moment, triggering a need for a backup plan. The Departure of a Former Supply: When a former supply finally realizes the truth and leaves, the narcissist may attempt to win them back. Insufficient Supply: With no better options available, they might try to coax their former supply back. Underlying Need: If the individual has something that the narcissist wants or needs, they may hoover to secure it. Reaffirmation of Care: After a period of no contact, the narcissist might hope to prove their commitment and elicit a positive response. Retaliation: The narcissist might hoover as a form of punishment for no contact, seeking to diminish the sense of freedom they felt.

Why Covert Narcissists Sometimes Discard

Conversely, there are scenarios in which covert narcissists choose to discard, rather than hoover. These situations include:

Already Satisfied with a New Supply: When a covert narcissist finds a new, more stable supply, they may let their old supply go. Reputation is Irreparably Damaged: If the former supply burned the bridge and cannot provide any future benefits, the narcissist might decide to move on. Maximum Retaliation has Been Satisfied: The narcissist may have already enacted sufficient punishment, thereby choosing to end the relationship.

Understanding the Complexity of Covert Narcissist Behavior

It's important to recognize that covert narcissists are not robots programmed to behave in a uniform manner. Their actions can be influenced by their environment and personal circumstances. For instance, if a covert narcissist is satisfied and focused on a new supply, they have no reason to hoover. Similarly, if they have explored their options and found a more fulfilling relationship, hoovering can feel unnecessary.

Rebellious as it may sound, this flexibility in their actions is a reflection of their personality and psychology. The environment they live in, the quality of relationships they have, and even the state of their mental health can all play a role in their decision-making processes.

Final Thoughts

Covert narcissists can be enigmatic and challenging to navigate. Understanding their motivations and behaviors can provide a clearer picture of their actions, thus helping individuals deal with their manipulation more effectively. Recognizing the reasons behind their hoovering and disconnection can empower those involved to make informed decisions about their relationships.